After years of exile on this isle
I furtively scan your face,
the eagle gaze still there.
your clear brow now
furrowed .
Yet your warrior stance
remains,
I lose you in dreams of dark swirling waters
dolphin slippery evading my hand.
I await
your return from Circe’s thrall,
and like faithful Penelope to retard,
drop the
pattern of the weave.
Parallel to Odysseus you have led men,
and now content to lead a flock of goats.
Curds molded by your hands
are a worthy gift to the gods.
To match you I gather unripe olives
yet green from an abandoned grove
yet green from an abandoned grove
and
weep salty tears to leach them of their
bitterness, simpler still than that of our
lives.
Antonia Baranov
I understand my mistake--the reference to weaving in the other poem made me think I was right:)
ReplyDeleteI like this too:)
This was a very personal poem the man had 2000 or more followers and then resigned and there were betrayals as when dissolution of group w/strong leaders can happen. I lost him seven years and that day found him and the green olives I picked up made me think of his flock of goats and cheese he made. The two poems have points of reference of Odyssey more than I remembered. antonia
ReplyDeleteI more and more love this poem! May I make one or two suggestions?
ReplyDeleteCut "to retard" which doesn't really work and isn't necessary.
Change "Parallel to" to "Like".
I am also not sure of the value of "furtively" in the second line: the line could live without it.
I hope you don't mind these suggestions, my lady, made when tired but energised by re-reading such a lovely poem x
I like this revision Antonia. I do agree with Steve to cut "to retard" and the changing of "Parallel to" to "Like".
ReplyDelete