Sunday, December 31, 2017


Enveloped by your absence
who had been in rhythm with
you as with my beating heart.
How could it have escaped my
notice reason for your silence,
those months when I left for
France? It had been in plain
sight had I been willing to see.
Or perhaps I needed to obscure
that which heart could not endure?

I rode to forest of St. Germain
to read your letter in private.
In it for the first time heard you
mention intent to divorce.
I was moved, never dared
to hope for it. Continued to write
but without response...
At a loss to account for your
silence I fled to wait in Paris.
About this I already wrote a poem.

Have you not observed that
thus far she remains nameless
who had been between us?
Better it so be, for the dead
are defenseless in their silence.

                                   Antonia Baranov   



  1. Some secrets should be left undisclosed for the publc domain. As you say, the dead are defenceless, even if they might have been guilty. You have a gift of conveying the emotions of what happened many years ago as if it only happened yesterday.

  2. I appreciate your comment so many people have not bothered to say it here but privately. I will say that the emotions you re-ad i usually re-experience them or would not have the energy to write, they are the impetus. Antonia

  3. The last 2 lines pack a powerful punch. The emotions here are tense and sad and conveyed beautifully.

  4. Should I confess it was my oldest sister our first and last ally? It took me 58 years to realise and her death? He not strange he was open about his sexuality probably thought he was of of service to her. But she so repressed? I wrote another poem My Sister, Myself that should perhaps be place next to each other.

  5. Wow, Antonia! That is quite a realization to have! Our relationships with siblings are so often so complicated!

  6. IT TOOK 50+YEARS? I suppose I needed to obscure the obvious but there were other factors more obvious for the silence a young wife who was intent to have a 4th child?